Unmanaged Expectations

A few weeks ago I relayed to someone that I was not that keen to visit family for Christmas because their house is always hot and noisy and I always feel that my dogs are the problem because they do not see that their constant noisy bickering means their dogs are not as well behaved as they could be and mine get caught in the cross-fire.

Anyway the person I relayed that to had a few more exchanges of e-mails with me and then just didn’t reply.  This makes me sad especially when it is someone who is aware of my ethos in corresponding with friends and my beliefs about not controlling other people or making them choose certain behaviours.  So several weeks have passed with no communication from this person and I miss them a little … but in the scheme of my life it is not causing me anxiety or something that has destroyed my life.

Today I am indeed staying with family … the house is incredibly hot; the noise is unbelievable (the TV or radio have to be on full volume; their dogs bark often and there is noisy bickering much of the day) and my dogs have become scapegoats.  I feel like I cannot leave my dogs in a room unattended incase either they get let out of the room by family and then I have to go round them back up or they are getting a constant stream of correction in a high pitched voice.

There is a constant enquiry about whether food or drinks are required and we still have not accepted my dietary choices.  It is all very tiring and I have spent most of the past two days sitting at the kitchen table to keep my dogs in as calm an environment as I can. This evening my ankles are swollen (from being in the same position all day I guess).

During the day a stream of phone calls from various people have resulted in those other families being criticised for their behaviour.  This evening our Christmas meal is served.  Now please note I prepared all the veggies so that the cook only had the meat to sort out.  The meal arrived with complaints about having to cook the meal and never enjoying it.  Then after dessert (which I also made) I was left sitting at the dining table alone while they argued over loading the dishwasher.

Just before the meal I got an e-card from my AWOL correspondent; yet I have had no messages from others who usually do send them.  I don’t know how to respond to the e-card … if I engage then I have to be prepared to get it thrown back in my face but I was brought up to show good manners and I don’t feel I can just ignore it but can I hide my feelings?  I don’t know if the sender celebrates Christmas … 

I cannot change the family and I will just have to bite my tongue … 

I need sleep now but I will let you know what I do to address the e-card issue …………………….





About nonehpets

I have an interest in how interior design and adapting a home to support living independently for longer can be complementary. The blog Life Long Design is part of an holistic plan for establishing a social enterprise which will offer the people of Tayside opportunities to explore Telecare and the wider scope of assistive technologies. Enabling individuals to make more informed and responsible choices in the care and support they need in their independent living. I am also keen to see public transport more widely adopted and sustainable rural bus services in particular supported. The Blog Travels with a Megarider shares my journey to find serenity in my life as I make that transition form employment to social entrepreneur. One of my methods in increasing serenity is to travel as many miles as I can on a fixed price bus ticket and explore my own local places of interest. Places that I used to go past and had never stopped to look at; places of peace and tranquility; places where I have had some wonderful conversations with complete strangers. I would like to share with you a response to when I described that one paragraph in an e-mail made it sound simple: "Believe me, Cathy, it does not sound simple. You are taking on an incredible challenge for all the right reasons. It is ambitious and admirable - the sort of project that can change lives, including yours." He is right it is ambitious but when did we every achieve anything by settling for the status quo and ignoring what doesn't work for people? So I would welcome your company from time to time on this journey either simply as a reader or if you are brave enough adding your own thoughts to the comments as you feel moved.

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