I Don’t Understand Why People Rely on Deception?

This is not about me or anyone really close to me … it is an observational piece about real life events though, as I see them.

A couple who have been a couple for around 15 years but married for 4 or 5 years; both use controls over the other on a daily basis; he is not allowed friends she doesn’t know, she is manipulated by withdrawing attention from her and so it goes on – a vicious spiral of deceit – because he does have secret friends and so to get his own way he is all over her like a rash.  I don’t get it – they are each adults of more or less sound mind but they are behaving like children in the school yard.

They constantly live outwith their means and wonder why life is a struggle and each blame the other.

So everything trundles along … every now and again she loses it and gives him a row about some small thing, even resorting to hitting him.  He complains about his treatment t friends but says he is too scared to tell her how he feels because he cannot manage on his own and she will throw him out without access to the grandchildren.

The constant threat and counter-threat becomes a negative way of life and under that pressure he is flattered by attention from someone else and so starts a chain of secret friendships that don’t actually get physical but each gets closer to it.  Each time he gets caught out she punishes him so next time he gets more secretive.

What are the getting out of this relationship? Unbelievably recently it took a turn for the really ugly … she knows he is now messing around – and so does everyone else who knows him (despite him denying it).  He wants to leave but for various reasons cannot do so just now.  She gets back at him publicly with a campaign of sarcastic inspirational quotes on a social media site.  But the ugliest thing of all was the online declaration of undying love to celebrate an anniversary … which he replied to with more lies.

I am not sure no who is deceiving who but they have at least to be each deceiving themselves? causing themselves hurt and misery – so why go on doing it? why not just be honest and call it quits?

I have waited almost a year for this design to render – I resaved it today and hey presto out it popped.  Now I can go back to working on the interior – but I am thrilled with how the conservatory turned out even if I need to add a splash of sand around it instead of rock pools!  I have spent alot of time on this site today adding tutorials and tips for people and when I wasn’t doing that I had a long distance text chat with a colleague on the online course I am studying on.

For a final link to training I took the boys out and Pup hunted up through the spinney, putting up a couple of rabbits as he went and then retrieved his half rabbit dummy perfectly without needing to be told.  I was well pleased with him.

Early start tomorrow to go to the Job Centre and get my bus pass travel card renewed … so off to my bed I go!


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About nonehpets

I have an interest in how interior design and adapting a home to support living independently for longer can be complementary. The blog Life Long Design is part of an holistic plan for establishing a social enterprise which will offer the people of Tayside opportunities to explore Telecare and the wider scope of assistive technologies. Enabling individuals to make more informed and responsible choices in the care and support they need in their independent living. I am also keen to see public transport more widely adopted and sustainable rural bus services in particular supported. The Blog Travels with a Megarider shares my journey to find serenity in my life as I make that transition form employment to social entrepreneur. One of my methods in increasing serenity is to travel as many miles as I can on a fixed price bus ticket and explore my own local places of interest. Places that I used to go past and had never stopped to look at; places of peace and tranquility; places where I have had some wonderful conversations with complete strangers. I would like to share with you a response to when I described that one paragraph in an e-mail made it sound simple: "Believe me, Cathy, it does not sound simple. You are taking on an incredible challenge for all the right reasons. It is ambitious and admirable - the sort of project that can change lives, including yours." He is right it is ambitious but when did we every achieve anything by settling for the status quo and ignoring what doesn't work for people? So I would welcome your company from time to time on this journey either simply as a reader or if you are brave enough adding your own thoughts to the comments as you feel moved.

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