A Mad Sad World …
If you joined me yesterday I ended pondering how to retrieve some serenity after Toxic’s latest outburst. Before I could set that in motion this morning I had a visitor. Having just finished breakfast (which takes a long time with Pup to supervise between toasty bites) I was still in my PJs and unwashed. The person at the door was also still in their PJs and dressing gown; this person is from my community and so I opened the door and she almost knocked over me and Dog as she pushed her way in. She was only semi coherent and kept starting her sentences and then changing them.
I know that she suffers from Bipolar disorder and it was fairly obvious to me she is in the throes of a manic episode … in her this often presents as religious zeal and a belief that she can right the wrongs of the world. She wants to have another go at righting the wrong done three years ago that I mentioned in my post on 2 December she wants to make the Minister and others involved apologise to me. I have told her in the past that I am not seeking an apology I have walked away because too many have been hurt and it must stop now. I repeated this gently since it was obvious she is not herself. I would have liked to ask if she had missed some medication or was aware of her mania but I don’t feel I know her well enough to ask something so personal.
She wanted me to go to the church with her this morning so she could have the wrong righted. I said I would not be going and she then tried to get me to go to a different church and I told her I did not wish to attend any organised church and felt I would likely never do so; faith sustains me but religion no longer does. She departed to get dressed saying if I changed my mind …
The interesting things I noticed about her visit where Dog and Pups reactions to her. Of course Pup had never met her and he just did Pup things and pootled round her feet. It was strange that she didn’t even acknowledge the pup; she is a dog lover and normally makes a fuss of people’s pooches. Most interesting though was Dog, who does know her and who became increasingly agitated during her visit; barked at her as she was leaving (a hard bark which made her jump) and then was unsettled for a good half hour. Now it is possible he was feeling protective of wee Pup but I feel he was picking up her mania and it disconcerted him as it did me.
She did tell me that when the earth shifts on its axis at the end of the week there are very good things in the pipeline for me …
So for the second time in the space of 24 hours my serenity was attacked.
The only’fun’ thing to do today was changing my bed – I decided to wait until Pup was having a nap. My bed was originally a loft bed and when I moved here I cut the legs down and made it a very high bed with loads of storage space underneath. In my wee stone cottage the rooms are not huge and so the bed doesn’t have access all the way round. Changing the bedlinen involves getting into bed and stripping and then remaking it around me. There is a system to make it work and I hate doing this chore! Eventually I got it all back together and was only delayed a little by Pup coming to try and play tug with the duvet I was wrestling into the cover!
Next I tried some design serenity and created a beach house … using one of my photos to create the setting. I could never live in such a minimalist home but it is nice to dream and I managed to include a couple of pooches.
After the dogs had tea I took the camera and my backpack and popped into Kirriemuir. My mission had a double purpose – a couple of messages at the wee supermarket and to take more pictures of our lights … which I have then boosted the serenity value of by being creative and doing a double page scrapbook layout.
These activities were helping restore my serenity when at 9pm I had another visit form the same woman to update me … she left rambling about not completely believing me because the Minister had said …
It has nothing to do with her; everyone knows about her ill health (and actually it concerns me that some will not be s concerned about protecting her from herself) but it would seem her belief that she can resolve it was unfounded … She has family staying with her now and I can only hope that they will support her to get through this episode, whether that is with medication, therapy or a huge load of family love and care. I will keep that hope for her but from a distance – my load is large enough just now without taking her support on too.
It has been a mad and sad world this week and I see many reactions of fear and people contemplating how to make themselves safer … it is natural that people should be scared but I cannot help but feel that modern day media coverage brings this to the fore and the risk is really not so great? The biggest risk is probably in securely locking ourselves and our loved ones safely indoors and then not knowing how to deal with risky situations. I included a photograph of the first part of this poem in that post form 2 December; now I have found the remainder of it, although sadly there are various a suggestions as to its author but nothing definitive … so I am going to add it in it’s entirety here in the hope it may inspire and help me to retain my serenity …
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.