The End … and The Beginning!

They say that when one door closes another opens … for the past two months I have been planning to quietly close a door today and as I have shared with people – some who know me and some who don’t – my vision of my future that vision has got stronger, clearer and I can almost touch it already.  The door isn’t fully open yet … but I can squeeze through.

It was very tempting to slam the door closed behind me – but that is not in my nature and besides my heart is still so full of serenity from all those miles I travelled that I did not need to slam any doors.

This is what greeted me this morning at my (now old) desk …

… thank you Team and sorry I had to move the balloons in case they popped!

Let me tell you a little of the back story?  I was supposed to be there 12 months.  From the day I arrived there were patterns – other things and people prioritised and from the start I had two desks in two different buildings across the city from one another and on Wednesday’s I only actually had a desk for half a day.  One desk was a hot desk and so had no personality and was shoved in the dim back corner of a rather noisy office; the other belonged to someone who only worked half he week but was personalised to her all week and was in the middle of  a busy team who needed to talk to each other.  I spent most of that first month reading dry policy documents etc and trying to get an idea of where things were at.

I was at breaking point over this transitory desk arrangement when a colleague had an ankle injury and went of long term sick.  Her desk was ringfenced for me.  It was in a nice position, by a window and on the edge of a team.  What a friendly team too … and they adopted me.  I did have to move again when the desk owner returned to work and then a few months later I was told at 3pm I was supposed to have moved to make that desk ready for a newcomer – so I got moved back to a different desk with ‘my’ team.  I moved desk once more when there was a team shuffle but still in the same team area.  During this time I have had three informal extensions of my contract – none of them documented until two months ago when I was advised the role was ending because the funding had ended.

I often relay to people that I love my work but not the job.  What I do is great … colleagues are fabulous … the organisation is strangling itself with systems and processes (some of which just fizzle out mid process!)  Anyway I digress.   Having been given two months notice, this week, at the end of  a long emotional day I was recalled as I left the office to get my bus and casually asked to extend on a month by month basis.  This cannot possibly be to my advantage … lurching  from week to week not knowing when I will not have money to buy the dog biscuits and certainly if I had done that I would not have been able to push the new door open.  So I am happy I have made the right decision and feel very positive as I peep through the newly opened door before me.

Throughout today there have been many poignant interruptions … an “I’m sorry I can’t be there” text message; short conversations of au revoir; hugs; kisses; questions “is it today”; a good wishes card delivered; and then there was lunch.  ‘My’ Team did not stop at decorating my desk and leaving e flowers … it was obvious from the hints and then the confusion over the lunch time that there was something else – and there were cakes!  I am content with how far through the todo list I got and now can draw a line below it.

Thank you Team – you are the best.  Thank you to all the other people who spared me a few minutes today … I am sure there will be many path crossings in the future.  So Today I:

  • Had a lovely day – being spoiled by very caring people;
  • Fully realised the value of all that serenity and faith in myself;
  • Had to rush to the supermarket at the end of the day – I ran out of loo roll and dog biscuits!
  • Made a new home card for my parents before work; and
  • Actually ate a meal – three days after the migraine stopped me in my tracks!
Today’s statistics: Cost: £0; Miles travelled: 49.6; Steps taken: 1,000; Photographs taken: 1

So this week so far I haven’t been travelling serenity miles but stress miles – 250 of them; I don’t expect to completely neutralise those over the weekend but let’s see how close I get!



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About nonehpets

I have an interest in how interior design and adapting a home to support living independently for longer can be complementary. The blog Life Long Design is part of an holistic plan for establishing a social enterprise which will offer the people of Tayside opportunities to explore Telecare and the wider scope of assistive technologies. Enabling individuals to make more informed and responsible choices in the care and support they need in their independent living. I am also keen to see public transport more widely adopted and sustainable rural bus services in particular supported. The Blog Travels with a Megarider shares my journey to find serenity in my life as I make that transition form employment to social entrepreneur. One of my methods in increasing serenity is to travel as many miles as I can on a fixed price bus ticket and explore my own local places of interest. Places that I used to go past and had never stopped to look at; places of peace and tranquility; places where I have had some wonderful conversations with complete strangers. I would like to share with you a response to when I described that one paragraph in an e-mail made it sound simple: "Believe me, Cathy, it does not sound simple. You are taking on an incredible challenge for all the right reasons. It is ambitious and admirable - the sort of project that can change lives, including yours." He is right it is ambitious but when did we every achieve anything by settling for the status quo and ignoring what doesn't work for people? So I would welcome your company from time to time on this journey either simply as a reader or if you are brave enough adding your own thoughts to the comments as you feel moved.

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