The End … and The Beginning!
They say that when one door closes another opens … for the past two months I have been planning to quietly close a door today and as I have shared with people – some who know me and some who don’t – my vision of my future that vision has got stronger, clearer and I can almost touch it already. The door isn’t fully open yet … but I can squeeze through.
It was very tempting to slam the door closed behind me – but that is not in my nature and besides my heart is still so full of serenity from all those miles I travelled that I did not need to slam any doors.
This is what greeted me this morning at my (now old) desk …
… thank you Team and sorry I had to move the balloons in case they popped!
Let me tell you a little of the back story? I was supposed to be there 12 months. From the day I arrived there were patterns – other things and people prioritised and from the start I had two desks in two different buildings across the city from one another and on Wednesday’s I only actually had a desk for half a day. One desk was a hot desk and so had no personality and was shoved in the dim back corner of a rather noisy office; the other belonged to someone who only worked half he week but was personalised to her all week and was in the middle of a busy team who needed to talk to each other. I spent most of that first month reading dry policy documents etc and trying to get an idea of where things were at.
I was at breaking point over this transitory desk arrangement when a colleague had an ankle injury and went of long term sick. Her desk was ringfenced for me. It was in a nice position, by a window and on the edge of a team. What a friendly team too … and they adopted me. I did have to move again when the desk owner returned to work and then a few months later I was told at 3pm I was supposed to have moved to make that desk ready for a newcomer – so I got moved back to a different desk with ‘my’ team. I moved desk once more when there was a team shuffle but still in the same team area. During this time I have had three informal extensions of my contract – none of them documented until two months ago when I was advised the role was ending because the funding had ended.
I often relay to people that I love my work but not the job. What I do is great … colleagues are fabulous … the organisation is strangling itself with systems and processes (some of which just fizzle out mid process!) Anyway I digress. Having been given two months notice, this week, at the end of a long emotional day I was recalled as I left the office to get my bus and casually asked to extend on a month by month basis. This cannot possibly be to my advantage … lurching from week to week not knowing when I will not have money to buy the dog biscuits and certainly if I had done that I would not have been able to push the new door open. So I am happy I have made the right decision and feel very positive as I peep through the newly opened door before me.
Throughout today there have been many poignant interruptions … an “I’m sorry I can’t be there” text message; short conversations of au revoir; hugs; kisses; questions “is it today”; a good wishes card delivered; and then there was lunch. ‘My’ Team did not stop at decorating my desk and leaving e flowers … it was obvious from the hints and then the confusion over the lunch time that there was something else – and there were cakes! I am content with how far through the todo list I got and now can draw a line below it.
Thank you Team – you are the best. Thank you to all the other people who spared me a few minutes today … I am sure there will be many path crossings in the future. So Today I:
- Had a lovely day – being spoiled by very caring people;
- Fully realised the value of all that serenity and faith in myself;
- Had to rush to the supermarket at the end of the day – I ran out of loo roll and dog biscuits!
- Made a new home card for my parents before work; and
- Actually ate a meal – three days after the migraine stopped me in my tracks!
Today’s statistics: Cost: £0; Miles travelled: 49.6; Steps taken: 1,000; Photographs taken: 1
So this week so far I haven’t been travelling serenity miles but stress miles – 250 of them; I don’t expect to completely neutralise those over the weekend but let’s see how close I get!